


Insect Collections and Identity Crises

by Clever_Girl_22



Category: Naruto
Genre: Coming Out, Entomology, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insect Collections, M/M, Shino Week 2021, ace!Shino, lots of bugs were hurt in the making of this production (and I'm not sorry at all), team 8 appreciation content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clever_Girl_22/pseuds/Clever_Girl_22
Summary: You learn a lot about yourself when you're faced with your first major lab practical: how creative you can get for the best results, what it takes to get that passing grade, which professors you need to impress--what you learn in the lab makes the scientist within.But there's another thing they teach you: from labs you learn that, just because your results are different from  others, doesn't mean you are wrong.
Relationships: Aburame Shino & Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino/Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba/Kankurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 14
Collections: Written stories for Shino Week 2021





	1. Solitude

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Shino Week! I will be doing a prompt for each chapter; y'all are finally getting to hear the 100% accurate, fascinating story of last semester's entomology lab (good grief) so I hope nobody's too squeamish.
> 
> Enjoy the ride!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Solitude' ~ "The persistent state of being alone, lacking in consistent contact with society"

A rustling in the grass, a faint whirring of wings...they were music to his ears.

_'There's two...no; three! Wow...'_

The buzzing of their calls, communicating to their mates and searching for food, vibrated through the boggy path and filled Shino with a restless sense of purpose that he could only akin to adrenaline. He squatted behind an oak tree, butterfly net in hand, and watched a thick cluster of damselflies and their larger counterparts zip over a holding pond. 

_'I need one of each.'_ Shino decided, checking his pocket journal for the third time.

The damselflies would be a piece of cake to catch; they were far more flippant than dragonflies. However, they were fragile, their wings immediately curling in once riga-moritz hit. He would need to be extremely gentle when catching the family. Shino took a quiet breath, inhaling through his nose and exhaling as minimal as possible. The Odonata order were perceptive as Hell and couldn't be caught unless with the utmost of surprise. Shino checked his watch and then looked out at the setting sun, noting the gradual temperature change that was currently occurring. Today was one of the last days he'd be able to catch these fliers.

_'Alright. Let's do this.'_

The holding pond stood just West of the campus' baseball field, where Shino could see the men's team taking fly balls off a pitch-back machine. He scowled silent; the boys' shouting no doubt left his targets on edge. He'd have to work quickly. Like a panther on the hunt, Shino crouched low to the bole of the tree and wordlessly set up his Paris Plaster jar, careful to pour in the right amount of Ethanoyl. He repeated the process with his second jar, setting them both aside with their caps loosely unscrewed. Then, Shino rose and dumped his drawstring bag next to them, checking his field shoes for sturdiness.

He took another breath, narrowed his eyes on a target: a blueish-green damselfly, flitting about on a decomposing leaf. 

_'You get one chance.'_ Shino reprimanded himself.

Then, he took off.

**_Fwoosh!_ **

The first initial swipe stirred up the coat of leaves on the water, sending his target and others into retreat. They zipped and zagged in the air, bursting away from their pursuer like missiles. But Shino was not going to be so easily deterred; on the second swing, he swiped a damselfly from the air and skidded to a stop in the muddy shallows, immediately twisting the net so his victim couldn't escape. 

Shino glared triumphantly, "Marvelous. Now I just need...oh, dammit."

Upon further inspection, he began to realize that the damselfly was already dead, its body smashed to bits from an undoubtedly zealous swing. Shino cursed again. He'd need another one. Tossing his coat aside, Shino rolled up his pants and wiped off the mud on his glasses. Then, he rushed the holding pond once more, pinpointing a brownish damselfly hovering over the water.

"Gotcha!"

With a quick swipe, the damselfly was tangled into the netting, its hunter quickly traipsing through the marshland and back to his makeshift headquarters. There, Shino carefully guided the damselfly to its doom, pushing the netting over a kill-jar like a sock in order to trap his victim. The insect was asphyxiated within moments. One down, one to go. Shino carefully set the jar aside, wincing as the baseball field grew louder. He'd be damned if those idiots scared off his precious specimens. 

_'Relax. They're too far away to bother them. You're the only source of life they're paying attention to anyways.'_

Up next was the dragonfly--the Ashindae family--he needed. Shino quickly inspected his soaking-wet clothes and grimianced; laundry day was going to be (as Shikamaru always said) an absolute drag. Oh, well. There were far more important matters at hand. As quickly as he could, Shino recollected his net and stalked after a rather massive dragonfly, its reflective body giving away itself in the approaching dusk. In an instance, Shino pounced, missing his target by a hair. He quickly rose to his feet and sprinted after it, the dragonfly leading him in circles and erratic patterns in order to shake him off its path.

 _'Don't take your eyes off! Don't you dare take your eyes off of him!'_ Shino demanded of himself, picking up pace and feeling the mud fleck onto his clothes from behind.

The dragonfly was leading Shino further and further away from the holding pond, taking him to the lake next to the baseball field at a breathless pace. As he got closer, Shino could hear the team yelling at him, whooping and calling as if they were placing bets on which contestant would succumb first. Shino narrowed his eyes once more, picking out his victim in the air--he _would_ _not_ be the one to cave in.

After a few minutes of pursuit, Shino noticed he was well and beyond a mile away from his makeshift camp, the outfielders rattling the fences as he ran through the trees. Eventually, the dragonfly diverted his path to the lake--Shino jumped in right after it.

 _"Ah ha!_ I got you!" 

Shino was waist-deep in the water, the muck below seeping into his shoes and pant legs. Thank _goodness_ he had forgotten his phone in the lab. Carefully, Shino checked his butterfly net and exhaled with relief; the dragonfly was trapped inside, clinging to the fabric for dear life.

Shino smiled, _"_ Finally. Only a few more orders left." 

"Oi! The _fuck_ are you doing in the _lake?"_

Shino's mood quickly deflated; the baseball team was pressed against the fence, ogling and snickering to themselves. 

_'Perfect. Absolutely perfect._ ' Shino thought.

The varsity team consisted predominantly jackasses, a popular few being from the Akatsuki Fraternity, an exclusive establishment within the university that Shino didn't particularly like. And to think, they were _just_ cheering him on! Shino decided to ignore them, wading out of the water as he held his net and prize protectively above his head. 

"Hey, _asshat!_ I'm _talking_ to you!" A member with silvery hair barked, seething and spitting through the outfield fence.

Shino tisked to himself; Hidan was just someone to avoid. He would never stoop low enough to answer the call of a man who's athletic career revolved around catching more fists to the face than catching actual fly balls. Shino climbed out of the lake and shook himself, checking the dragonfly once more as the team captain--Yahiko--dragged Hidan away from the fence, the rest of the players chattering to themselves as they went back to their own business.

"Absolute idiots." Shino murmured.

When he reached the original spot of his gear, he carefully dumped the dragonfly into the remaining kill-jar, watching solemnly as it beat its wings in a fruitless attempt to escape its plasterey grave. All the accomplishment he had just felt moments before had vanished in an instant.

"I'm sorry, buddy, I didn't want to hurt you," Shino soothed, picking up both jars, " I just need to do my best for this class. I won't hurt any more of your friends if I can help it."

It was always a forlorning business, catching and killing his insects; Shino felt guilty from ripping them from their habitats. But, regardless, it was necessary for science, as well as his grade. He'd just have to manage with it, like always. Shino was a pro in managing things by himself.

An _absolute_ pro.

***********

By the time Shino had gotten back to the science building and correctly dried and pinned his newest specimens, the sky outside indicated nighttime. Shino set down his foam insect mount and checked his phone; four missed calls from Kiba and a _very_ obscure text from his cousin, Torune. Instinctively, he dismissed the message. Later. He would deal with it later. Right now, all Shino cared about was getting something to eat (he had been out all day) with Kiba. He hurried outside, down the main sidewalk, and up the flight of stairs to his residence building. Once inside, he popped a set of keys out of his coat pocket; the door was unlocked.

 _'Typical.'_ Shino scoffed to himself.

"Kiba, you forgot to lock the--"

_"Shino, wait!"_

Kankuro and Kiba were in the latter's bed, cuddling close and naked. Shino instinctively stiffened; Kiba seemed to notice.

"Dammit, did you forget to lock the door again?" He demanded, looking back to his partner.

Kankuro shrugged and buried his face further into Kiba's back, "I didn't think we'd be expecting intruders."

"Dude, Shino is my _homie;_ he's not an intruder!"

"Same difference."

Shino rolled his eyes, "It's alright. I need to head to the library, anyways."

It was a lie, but anything was better than the current situation in his eyes. Kiba shrugged his boyfriend off and went to grab some clothes, throwing Kankuro his own pants. 

"Nah, don't worry; I'll get him outta your hair," Kiba said breezily, "Kank's got his own stuff to study for, anyways."

Kankuro laughed, "As if _you_ get to lecture me on studying habits."

Shino apologized for the intrusion and moved to dig out clean clothes, but something felt empty as he watched Kiba kiss Kankuro's cheek from the corner of his eye. What this feeling was, Shino couldn't quite tell. It didn't seem like he'd have much time to dwell on it; Kiba had already chased off his boyfriend and had jumped back into his bed.

"Ohh, boy! You smell like a _wet dog!"_ He whistled.

Shino scoffed, "Given the amount of time you spend with Akamaru, I'd imagine that's a musk you rather enjoy."

He carefully laid out a sweater and pants, eyeing the clock: a quarter past seven. He'd have almost four hours to study anatomy and edit his forest ecology spreadsheets. Kiba peeked over his shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Kiba eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing, grabbing his laptop and sitting down in a pile of blankets on the floor. Shino could sense that his friend didn't necessarily believe him, but it didn't matter. Whatever Shino was feeling within was his own problem--Kiba was happy as could be. He might not understand what he was feeling.

"Hey, Nart's bringing ramen and some board games later, you wanna play or do you want us to go over to Lee's room instead?" Kiba asked; he was snacking on a bag of animal crackers.

"You guys go ahead and have the room; I'll go study in the commons." Shino replied pleasantly, "My Silviculture spreadsheet is due in a few days and I need all the time I can get."

Kiba nodded along, but was too busy gushing over his phone; Kankuro must've sent him something. Shino, once again, winced inwardly as Kiba whistled suggestively.

"Another, ah, _gift,_ I presume?" Shino asked, a note of disain present.

He grabbed his shower caddy (the lakeshore smell was starting to waft) and kicked on some flip-flops. Kiba grinned brazenly.

"Pft, of course," He hummed, "You need to get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, whatever works best."

_'That's...'_

"I'm too busy for that." Shino responded.

"Suit yourself; you're missing out on some _good_ head, my dude. Best thing on the weekend...especially with that big _tool_ of yours."

Shino shook his head, "I'll take your word for it."

"Hey man, you're going to need _somebody_ to go with to the formal."

_'As if I plan on going.'_

He headed off into the conjoined bathroom, Negi and Rock Lee's room vibrating with what sounded like jazzercise music. 

_'Only Lee. It's always Lee.'_ Shino smiled to himself.

The truth was, it wasn't that he didn't _want_ a partner, per say, it was just he didn't want one that Kiba was suggesting. As sweet as they were (for Shino would inflict steadfast wrath on _anyone_ who dare mistreat his friend), Kankuro and Kiba's relationship--or Neji and Tenten's, or Sai and Ino's, or even Lee and his new boyfriend Gaara's--was not what Shino was looking for. He dialed the water hotter, goosebumps prickling on his skin and he defaulted this thoughts to internally reciting material on his lab practical.

_'For the order Orthoptera, we got Acrididae, the grasshoppers...Gryllidae are crickets...then, Tettigoniidae are the katydids...'_

Whatever it was that was wrong with him--this strange dislike he could never quite place before--he'd make note to do some further research. Shino, regardless, was a scientist; everything could be solved through experimentation and study. It was only logical. There had to be a reason why he always felt oddly out of place while his friends were falling left and right for each other; there had to be a logical reason why he felt at his best alone when others would be miserable. There _had_ to be a reason...there just had to....

**_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_ **

"Son of a _bitch!"_ Kiba howled; Neji burst into the bathroom,pulling back the plastic curtain and startling Shino.

"Choji burned popcorn _again,"_ He explained, "Let's get going."

"Of course he did." Shino mumbled.

He rushed to grab his clothes, his previous thoughts put on hold. He'd make sure to return to his internal studies later on...


	2. Friends and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Friends' ~ "A bond based predominantly on intricate, mutual affection towards one another"
> 
> • 'Family' ~ "A bond based predominantly on commonality of ancestors and heritage"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mildly homophobic comments.

Shino checked his phone again, the wind outside only slightly colder than it was the day before.

_Your dad wanted me to come by and visit. Maybe bring you home for the weekend. That alright?_

The text was the one Torune had sent the night earlier, which amidst all the chaos, Shino had never gotten to. He had spent the majority of the night correcting spreadsheets while Kiba video-called his puppy back home (with his sister, of course), only taking a break once he knew his friend was fast asleep. Then, and only then, did Shino take time to continue research on his _other_ study. 

Wind howling, Shino yanked open the entry doors of the Mizukage Science Building, treading up yet another dimly-lit flight of stairs and around a few corners. Down the hall, he glanced and the coffee shop extension and felt a yawn creep up; Shino needed caffeine after his endless night.

 _'I'll get it after class.'_ He decided, taking note of the shop's earthy scent.

As always, Shino arrived early to class, and, as always, he was the first one. He had even beat his professor this morning. With a small shrug of his backpack, Shino ducked past the lab tabels and towards the trove of campus insect collections hidden in the back corner. His professor and student advisor, Dr. Kurenai, along with others in the Earth Science department, had spent countless months reviewing and cataloguing their specimens. storing them in tight-sealed cabinets to prevent carpet beetles from nibbling on their research. It was a secret joy of his, feasting his eyes and his ever-inquisitive mind upon the hundreds of specimens, all delicately pinned to their respective categories. Most of the insects were withered and tarnished, but Shino didn't mind; they were as rare and precious a find as any jewel. 

He could study them for hours on end and never lose interest; the insects in this lab meant sanctuary to him. And a sanctuary they would remain, for Shino spent almost every morning and afternoon in the ecology lab, pouring over the collections as a means of comfort. He grabbed the Lepidoptera case and set in on a table, the smell of old hardwood and printing paper wafting through the air. Though his favorites were beatles, Shino could never get over how _expressive_ the butterflies looked; they were bold in their decaying beauty.

"Hm, so _this_ is what a Pieredie looks like...I guess I have a yellow one _and_ a white one...huh, lucky me..."

He picked out another pin and gently pressed into the butterfly's prothorax, making sure to pierce the left side. Shino pursed his lips together, his glasses dropping off the bridge off his nose--he never even heard the door open.

"Oh, Shino, you're here early again!" Dr. Kurenai chirped.

Not looking up, Shino hummed in greeting, "Good morning, Dr. 'nai."

She placed her materials on the teacher's lab table and peeked at Shino own insect box.

"Wow!" She affirmed, "Where'd you find the Odonatas?"

She pointed at the dragonfly and damselfly; Shino grimianced internally.

"By the baseball field; it catches enough runoff to transform into a miniature marshland." He explained pleasantly, "It was _quite_ an experience."

Dr. Kurenai looked over his growing collection once more; "Well, you're by far moving the fastest in class, no doubt. I can't wait to see it finished."

Yes, it was true; given how often he was in the company of himself, Shino relished this project--the collection, the learning material, the very insects which he sought after and preserved; all of it was going to help him be the best field scientist he hoped to be. His love for his studies filled a hole that he couldn't quite place. If anything from last night's research made sense, Shino was starting to wonder--

"Ah, Hinata! Good morning, how is your study coming along?"

Shino torn his eyes from the moth wings he was pressing and was beholden to something even _more_ expressive: Hinata Hyuga, a sharp sense of intrigue in her eyes, glided over to his table. 

"Shino, I heard from Kiba that you chased down dragonflies yesterday," She said softly, "I bet they look pretty cool!"

"Of course they do; Shino has _excellent_ taste in hunting habitats." Dr. Kurenai agreed.

Shino's eyes smiled under his glasses; he loved coming to class, helping his professor reanalyze the collections and talking to Hinata about their shared love for everything in nature. They were a comfort and a reason to keep doing his best, especially Hinata. To Shino, the bond between them was more precious than all the iridescent insects in the world.

By 8 AM sharp, class had convened, Shino and the others busily goggling at their insects through clunky microscopes, searching through their dichotomy keys in order to properly identify them. Kiba (to no surprise) was the last to arrive, too busy throwing kisses at Kankuro in the hallway to realize the time. Shino snorted; Kiba and Kankuro really could never take their hands off themselves. Which, returned Shino to his research last night. He had spent the late hours glued to his laptop, Kiba snoring and sound asleep, and had gathered a sense of why watching all his friends and others alike preach physical and sexual intimacy made him feel distant from the rest of the world: Shino Aburame, an aspiring scientist in his own right, was asexual.

He was aseuxal and, for the first time in awhile, his feelings _made sense._

It had made sense in the wee hours of the night and made sense now. All his life, it had made sense, maybe; the way Shino saw the world through a lense of disaster and disinterest, seeing relationships the way Kiba coveted them or the way his other friends yearned for them was not meant for him. At first, he thought it was just--God, he'd hate to say it--a phase of his adolescence, clinging to his academics, his bugs, and his dream of field science being the only thing for him. His parents had certainly said so, but more and more it had become subconsciously clear that Shino clung to his love of science to fill hole in his heart that he never understood...

But he would not tell anyone of his discovery; some breakthroughs are best left private.

 _'Besides, how would they react?'_ He thought wearily, switching his gaze between Hinata and Kiba.

It had become saddeningly clear that there were few people he could trust, leaving Shino to only discuss with himself. Who knew, maybe he was simply making this all up in his head? Was he just making an excuse for never finding someone as a partner? Was he covering up for the possibility that nobody wanted him that way? The very thought of telling others sent Shino into a brief wave of anxiety, so strong and so forceful Shino quit his labeling and asked to leave the lab early; Dr. Kurenai nodded with a concerned look, while Hinata gazed on, her expression unreadable.

*************

Shino spent the rest of the morning on the second-floor study hall, sipping on a cold brew as he sifted through a dozen or so saved tabs on his laptop. It was a Friday, so he had decided to take up Torune's offer on a ride home for the weekend, hoping to take his mind off things for a bit. He'd need to be back up by Sunday for his next plan of attack: Shino had ordered cockroaches from an exotic pet store to use for his collection; he'd need to take care of them quickly before the cold officially settled in.

"And, Kiba needs one too..." He mumbled, organizing his tabs and cancelling out clutter.

"Shino? Is it alright if I sit with you?"

Hinata stood by the table's edge, a pastry package clutched in her hands. Her voice was timid, but Shino could hear clear notes of concern and empathy in her words. For some reason, it made him feel less clouded in the head.

"Of course," He smiled, "I brought my own breakfast so we can eat together."

They sat, the pair chatting quietly about their own collections and finds, as well as their weekend plans. Apparently, Hinata was also planning on visiting family (her unease always worried Shino) and was going to search through her younger sister's butterfly garden for flowers to press. Shino hummed along to her words with ease; there was no one else he felt more grounded with than her. They had shared so much with each other; it was only natural to get along so well.

"Is everything alright from this morning?" Hinata asked.

Shino shook his head, "Yes. I was just feeling light-headed; I stayed up all night working on a timber spreadsheet for Dr. Yamato's class. I'm feeling much better, though."

He could tell Hinata was not entirely convinced, but was relieved when she didn't press further.

"You can always talk to me, Shi," She said softly, "I can just listen, if you want, or I can give you advice. Either works for me."

 _'I know...and one day I might tell you, maybe.'_ Shino relented.

"Thank you, as always. You're too good to me."

************

"So how's that insect collection of yours coming along?" Torune asked.

He had picked up Shino bright and early and hadn't uttered so much as a word until they were in the driveway of Shino's parents' home. It was always like this: the Aburame Clan was one of few words and little say, leaving the cousins to fall into a comfortable silence for the majority of the drive.

"It's coming along nicely; I have some american roaches to deal with this weekend, but other than that it's almost done for my lab practical." Shino replied.

Torune nodded, "Caught any girls, yet?"

Shino rolled his eyes at the obnoxious comment; his older cousin tended to be blunt when least wanted. He would never tell _him_ his secret, that's for sure.

"You know I don't care about that," Shino replied, "I have far more important things to do than find a partner."

Torune chuckled as he shifted the car into park, "You say that, for now."

 _'And I'll keep saying it, I guess.'_ Shino thought dryly.

His family was not much different; one of the chief reasons Shino didn't necessarily enjoy coming home (especially now) was the subtle prying into his personal life. Yes, they were his parents, and Torune his elder brother-figure, but they all wished to know what he was doing with his social life and it was too difficult to tell them the truth: Shino's social life was starting to look like a lie, a fraud, even. If he couldn't tell his two closest friends what he was learning about himself, how could he ever hold his family accountable to understanding him? No, this was not something Shino enjoyed at all.

They had gotten back home by lunchtime, his father in the kitchen making a meal; from the smell of it, Shino could tell it was his favorite: wild grass salad. The delicate scent practically floated in the air.

"Ah, you're home," his father said, "Your mother is on her way back from a conference, so we should be able to eat dinner together at least."

Shibi and Suzume Aburame were renowned in the region as professional ecologists, his father taking a degree in pathogen-based endo and ectoparasites, while his mother led research teams as far as Konoha's countryside to study and evaluate forest niches. It was the Aburame Clan's destiny to study nature and the insects that made up its ecological backbone; Shino was more than happy to carry on the family legacy. Even Torune had contributed, spending most of his post-grad life accompanying Shibi on projects as an intern.

"How's your collection coming?" Shibi asked between bites, "Any aquatic Hemiptera yet? Torune told me you dove into a lake for a dragonfly."

Shino chuckled, "Not yet. I have some Blattodea to deal with."

"Make sure you're careful with those; once let loose they double in days." His father warned.

"How's that Hinata of yours doing, too?" Torune asked.

Shino thinned his lips in indifference, "She is well. Her and Kiba both have a substantial collection, so far."

"Kiba? Isn't that the kid who's dating a _guy?"_ Shibi asked casually.

"Yes, but I'd hardly qualify that as his _only_ character trait." Shino stated.

Tornune snorted, "He's with that wild kid from Suna, right? Weirdo."

Shino suddenly felt his left eyelid twitch; this conversation was not going well. He shifted in the silence and took a small forful of salad, the winter melon bursting sweetly in his mouth. 

"Have you found anyone that you like, yet?" His father asked.

It was innocent enough, but Shino saw where this was going: whenever he was home his mother and father made it a casual mission to research as much as they could on his romantic life, always coming up with dead ends and nulls. It was exhausting to witness and even more so to partake in as the sole specimen of study. Shino exhaled softly.

"No. I've told you; there is no interest in romance that I find appealing. There are far more important things to do."

"Well, you _do_ want to have kids one day, right?" Shibi pried.

_'No. Not at all. That's another indicator as to who I am.'_

"I rather teach other children than make more; it's unethical for the environment, anyways." Shino replied.

Torune rolled his eyes, "Bah! One person's actions aren't going to impact that greatly. I want to be an uncle someday, y'know."

"And I a grandfather, Shi." Shibi added.

Shino girmanced; no, it was never a good thing to come home, it seemed. The comments and remarks just wriggled under his skin too much. He could never tell him of his discovery. They just didn't seem to understand the weight of their words, it seemed.

*****************

"Oh, fuck, do you _have_ to do this?"

"Kiba, please just give me your blade so we can get this over with--I'm just as torn about them as you."

“I’m actually more torn about my lunch coming back up, thank you.”

"Y'all are _actual_ crackheads for this shit."

The three of them sat--Shino, Kiba, and Kankuro--on the massive lake's edge, Shino sitting on a large rock while the others squished themselves into a small bench. Between them laid a brown package from Roach Ranch's Exotic Pets site, its contents including a fistful of waivers, a box of food pellets, and roughly a dozen or so angry live cockroaches. Glumly, Kiba tossed Shino his hunting knife, the bug boy carefully pulling out the roaches' plastic habitat and working delicately to cut at the masking tape on the lid. The rehearsed plan was to dump a supple amount of Ethanoyl into the container and seal it off, allowing the toxin to suffocate the roaches in one go. Then, Kiba and Shino would take their shares, saving a few for Hinata later on. It was a tactical, simple plan--nothing could go wrong.

Until it did.

"Ready?" Shino asked.

"As I'll ever be."

The jars were loosened, the tape cut, and the poison dumped in; Shino watched with a mixture of fascination and remorse as the insects inside scrambled to the bottom and as far away as possible from the Ethanoyl restricting their neurological system. Beside him, Kiba was disgusted, cursing and barking up a storm as the bugs began to shriek for mercy, while Kankuro had dove behind his partner for protection. Shino had to admit, the plan had worked smoothly...

 _"Fuck,_ dude!"

A lone cockroach jumped out of the enclosure, landing on Shino's arms and fleeing the scene. Immediately, Kiba and Kankuro screamed. Out of pure instinct, Shino's hand slapped and it and trapped the wayward bug in the palm of his hand. The roach began to scream, clawing at Shino's fingers and begging for mercy, but it was too late: within seconds the insect succumbed to its toxins, the makeshift prison asphyxiating it decisively. Shino crouched in awe; how had he even managed that?

Kankuro peeked out from behind a rock, "Brutal. Actual fucking _brutal,_ my dude."

"I knew my man Shino's got balls!" Kiba whistled, "Don't tell Hina, though--you'll scare the Hell outta her!"

Shino inspected his literal handiwork; the roach was in respectable condition, as the others; they would look fabulous in his collection. Dr. Kurenai would be proud. His family would be proud. _Hinata_ would be proud. Shino smiled to himself, gently tossing the dead insect into his plaster jar.

_'What a true scientist indeed...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • "Suzume" is short for "suzumebachi", which is roughly translated to 'wasp/hornet'. I couldn't for the life of me find Shino's mother's name, so I just picked this because I bet she's a pretty fierce fighter in cannon. Feel free to correct me!
> 
> •Haha, yeah that's me; I choked out a cockroach with my bare hands. I'm a field scientist. Fear my power.


	3. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Sunset' ~ "The time of day when nights soon approaches; can symbolize a change in times or character"

It had been two weeks since the fated cockroach incident, and here Shino was, in the university's backwoods armed only with Tenten's pepper spray and his thick sweeper net. Tonight's targets were earwigs and moths, both which were stingy in the daylight. Thus was the reason he, along with a very worried Hinata, were climbing through the backwoods undergrowth. The air was quiet except for their breathing and the owls outside.

Shino had thought long and hard; his practical was due by the end of the month and, though he had reached the required number of orders (ten at minimum), he was still short four or five separate families (thirty-five was necessary). The moths would fill into Noctuidae, the earwigs would be his Forficulidae, he could maybe grab some more of the Hemiptera from any body of water, and perhaps convince Kiba to check Amakmaru for fleas and lice. The setup was perfect, down to the nearest detail. Shino would be finished in a matter of days. 

That is, if his _other_ project didn't increase in distraction. 

"Where do you want to start, Shi?" Hinata asked.

Shino paused to check his pocket notebook, "I think we should head towards the east-end, then circling back. The drier it is, the better chance for moths."

Their hiking boots thudded softly against the earth, walking as gently as they could to avoid any animal nests or troublesome obstacles. Normally, Shino would have set out alone, but Hinata had insisted on tagging along; it was as if she _knew_ something was bothering him. She always had been very in-tune to Shino and Kiba, as they were with her--it made Shino feel at ease every time he was with her, but there was still this nagging sensation in his head that prevented him from telling her.

_'Your issue is so much more different and rare...she might not know how to react.'_

Hinata Hyuga may never know, then.

The sunlight was starting to morph orange as it dove lower and lower into the Earth, bringing Shino back to the task at hand. With dusk fast approaching, they'd need to be diligent; God knows who else would be out at night in these woods. The campus had seen an increase in vandalism in the past week, on account of political turmoil in the Fire Country, and Shino did not want to put Hinata in harm's way. They had decided on an hour, maybe two if absolutely necessary. Then, they'd head to the ecology lab to dry and pin any catches. As always, Shino's plans were direct and simple. 

"Hina, can you switch on your flashlight, so we can have a bit of a beacon?" He asked.

Hinata pulled out her light and engulfed their peripheral vision into artificial light, illuminating their path as they started trekking downhill. The forest was badly-kept, Konoha having neglected to shell out more money for environmental maintenance more and more often. Thus, the undergrowth was littered with scraps of paper, beer bottles, and plastic bags. It was disappointing, really. He knew Dr. Kurenai and Dr. Yamato had worked tirelessly to secure the funds in previous years, but disciplinary damages in the recent months had completely eaten up the university's funds. They came across a rotted-out log; Shino pressed forward, holding his hand out to Hinata to assist them both.

She took Shino's hand, "Be careful; we don't want to disrupt any animals that might be in here."

Shino nodded and led them across, the log groaning under their combined weight. They could still see the campus--the football field, the water tower, their own residence hall--through the trees, which provided some sense of comfort. If their hunt went array in any aspect, Shino and Hinata could retreat with ease. 

_'We'll be fine, though,'_ Shino convinced himself, _'It's not like anyone else is going to be out here with us.'_

Hinata gripped his hand tighter as they continued, a few chunks of moss raining below them. For some reason, Shino's heart _flowered_ a bit; was that even possible? If he was truly ace (he was already fond of the abbreviation), like he had deduced, then there was absolutely no reason his mind was coloring this peculiar shade of joy. Absolutely impossible, really...he'd have to do some better research before going to bed.

"Alright, let's try here for a bit."

Together, Hinata and Shino set up camps: they first laid out a handful of homemade dirt traps, nestling the plastic containers into dead leaves and loose soil. Then, the pair each filled their Paris Plaster jars with some Ethonoyl, capping all items immediately to not alert any insects of their presence. Hinata had brought her butterfly net and tweezers, while Shino gripped his sweeper firmly. The pepper spray was hung around his neck just in case.

"Alright, go ahead and aim it upwards; we'll be more noticeable, then." Shino instructed.

Hinata nodded and placed the electronic lantern onto a large, flat rock and sat beside it. Together, the two waited in silence, the only sound in the air the leaves rustling. Shino could have _sworn_ he was hearing muffled whispers, but he dismissed the thought as merely a distracted wandering of the mind. The lantern was already attracting moths; there were more important things to focus on. 

Hinata gripped her net, "We don't have to catch _all_ of them, right?"

"No, of course not. That would be cruel," Shino stated in a similar tone, " We'll just try and catch about two each. That way we have backups in case one gets damaged."

Hinata hummed in relief and started to float her net, using the semicircle pattern Dr. Kurenai had said was most effective. Shino appreciated how like-minded they were: while he himself was fascinated with the insects they caught, they both despised having to kill them. It made Shino's heart sink--Hinata was even more sensitive. She made a noise of surprise when she snagged a big brown moth from the air, promptly taking it into one of her open kill-jars. Shino did the same, taking a moth that had landed on the edge of his net and scooping it bare-handed into a jar. The poor creature beat its willowy wings against the glass, but it was no use. Shino narrowed his eyes and examined his new specimen. It was from the Noctuidae family, alright: whitish tint with owl-like markings to assist in camouflage. It was smaller than a splinter but just what he needed. 

"I'm so sorry, but I need you for my project. I got a lot riding on it." Shino murmured, "Alot."

*************

A half-hour passed and the pair had collected four or five moths in total, the insects fluttering in their prison with every move. The only thing left was to check the traps for earwigs. The order typically preferred tight spaces, just as under rocks or bricks, but would often come out at night to hunt. And, with the sunset now plunging even further into hues of purple, Shino decided it was time for him and Hinata to move on to the next target. They had spent most of the night as usual, chatting softly about family and friends, about classes and dreams, and broke off to check their separate traps. Hinata disappeared behind a crop of bushes, while Shino dipped down under the rotting log for his. 

_'Alright. Maybe we got one this time...'_ He thought, using his miniature shovel to pry the trap out, _'Dammit.'_

The plastic container was still empty, its Ethanoyl actually leaking out of a thread-sized crack in the bottom. So much as for that. With a sigh, Shino ripped the container from the dirt and tossed it into his bag; Sakura would chew his head off if she knew he had littered.

"I guess I'll have to make a new trap..." He mumbled, climbing over the log.

He went to pack his bag up and find Hinata, when, all of a sudden, there was a scream. A terrified, _startled_ scream-- _Hinata's_ scream!

"Hinata, where are you?" Shino cried.

He dropped his bag and ran in the direction of the commotion, tree branches whipping at his coat and fog filling his glasses. There could be anyone and anything out in these woods--muggers, angry raccoons, poison ivy--he needed to find Hinata and _fast._ He could hear a hooting of some sorts, something human-like and similar to the whisperings of before--dammit! He should have been more careful!

"Hinata!", Shino called, "Hinata!"

_'Please be okay please be okay please be okay please be oh--'_

Shino stopped at a small clearing and took in the scene: Hinata, hiding behind a tree, with two larger figures prowling in the space near her. Upon closer inspection, one of them had on an orange mask and the other what appeared to be skeleton paint. What the Hell was going on? Shino ripped off Tenten's lanyard and flipped the weapon's switch. It was all so fast that Shino didn't even react; he just kept running, past Hinata, past the tree, past the space between them...

And shot a thick stream of pepper spray right into the skeleton man' face.

 _"What the_ **_fuck,_ ** you piece of ass, frizzy-haired **_fuckface?!"_ **

The figure--who Shino recognized instantly--doubled over, crying and shrieking while his masked companion tried to keep his hands from wiping the mace further into his eyes. Shino then rushed to grab Hinata, both high-tailing from the pranksters and snagging their capture-equipment as they ran. Clambering out of the woods, Shino could hear the two idiots arguing with themselves from afar:

"Dumbass, quit **_rubbing_ ** it in! You're just making it worse!"

 _"Fuck_ you; it was your stupid-shit idea to fuck with them in the _first place!"_

 _"I_ just wanted to make scary noises, _you_ wanted to actually get close and **_jump scare_ ** the chick!"

"Fucking fuck... **_fuck!_ ** Sweet _Jashin_ this hurts like a bitch!"

"Let's go get Ko."

 _"Fuck_ no; she'll _kick our asses!"_

"No, she'll kick _your_ ass-big difference."

*******************

"Are you okay, Hina?"

"Yeah; thank you, Shino."

They sat in the ecology lab, breathing hard and sweating despite the chill. Outside, the sun was almost underground, vibrant pinks and reds exploding outside. Yet inside, the bright white offered safety and a chance to think. And Shino needed to think. A lot. Hinata thanked him again and grabbed herself a microscope, setting it next to his own workspace. All they had to do was dry their moths and continue their identification--it would be a quick night. 

"We're still missing the earwigs, unfortunately," Shino hummed, "But we can always go searching for those in daylight."

Hinata murmured in agreement, "Right. It will be more difficult, since it will be light out, but we can do it. We just need some big rocks...I'm sure Kank and Kiba could provide us with that, after the roach incident. "

Shino laughed; Hinata was always such good company. Which reminded him; what was this feeling that he felt with Hinata? It was so subtle, yet persistent--what did it even mean? He pulled out his laptop and sifted through the starred tabs, crossreadign every professional report on asexuality that he had found useful and had come across a particularly alluring classification: _romantic asexuality._ It aligned with his continued disinterest in sex yet welcomed the possibility of love...

"Shino, you're staring off again; are you alright?"

...but was he capable of love? He could not give love the way Kiba gave it to Kankuro, or how any of their other friends gave love to one another. He couldn't give love like Dr. Kurenai showed her husband...he couldn't even show love like his own parents did. Was he broken? So many people describe this as their predominant feeling, so it made sense for Shino to classify himself as such. Yes, that's how he had always felt, really; he had spent his whole adolescent life unable to read his own evidence and therefore had never solved this before. He was _broken._ And broken people didn't have a chance to love people like Hinata...

"Shi, are you alright?"

Hinata's eyes shone like lilac moons, knitted with worry and benevolence. In a brief instant, Shino felt his temples pound against the wires of his glasses, the blood rushing to his head in embarrassment and defeat. He might as well tell her; what good would it do to hide it from her anymore?

"Hinata, do you ever feel like there's something, well, wrong with you?" He asked, "As in, who you are?"

Hinata nodded her head with assurance, "I have before. I always have."

Shino felt abashed; of course Hinata had felt unsure of herself before! The Hyuga Clan was a family of scholarly prodigy; Hinata had been cast aside once it was determined that Neji or Hanabi would receive tuition money for Konoha--Hinata was only here because she had worked hard to pay for portions of it. Hinata had always been unsure of herself, but Shino had seen her grow while being friends, grow in awareness and evolve into a splendid, expressive butterfly independent of her family ties. And independent of her fears...if only he could do just as much.

"I'm sorry, Hina, I'm just stressed for our practical," Shino lied, "We're running out of good weather and I still have some insects left to identify...they keep crumbling..."

"Shino, whatever it is that's worrying you, I will always listen. I know well enough when you are worried about something." Hinata replied.

 _'Of course she saw through the lie...'_ He lamented.

"You can come out whenever you are ready; I'm always going to listen."

Come out? Was it that obvious? 

Shino readjusted his glasses; the sun had finally gone down and the moon bore no ill glares to his eyes. He gently plucked a moth from the foam mantle and pin its prothorax, watching some of its jugular wing scales dust off onto his fingertips. He was trying to avoid the situation, for sure, but Hinata was not one to press. Instead, she quietly went back to her own specimens. Suddenly, their comfortable silence was a wall to Shino. He abruptly started to pack up his belongings.

 _'I can't leave her alone, though.'_ He decided.

"I'm ready to head back as well, Shi." Hinata answered quietly; she looked...disappointed.

Maybe he _was_ broken.


	4. Mushrooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Mushrooms' ~ "A common class of fungi; can represent both failure to overcome internal obstacles as well as symbolize the appearance of unexpected guidance"

Shino sat, stirring his soup aimlessly. Besides him, Kiba and Kankuro were bickering about whose house they'd stay at for Winter Break, while Hinata was chatting on the phone with her younger sister. The cafeteria was uncommonly crowded for the afternoon, so Shino could see glimpses of their other friends: Naruto and Sasuke arguing in line, Rock Lee insisting on helping an older lunch lady with the garbage, Tenten and Temari chatting about the self-defense class they both had signed up for. All of them seemed to be in their own little worlds, which was fine for Shino--he already was stuck that way anyways.

Since his and Hinata's adventure in the backwoods, Shino had drawn further into himself; he rarely left his desk, only leaving the room to attend classes and labs. He barely ate, even; this shiitake soup was the only thing in him since yesterday. Worse still, he withheld his words even more than usual out of fear of accidentally revealing himself. Shino was anxious and afraid: telling Kiba was risky because his coming-out could be seen as bandwagoning, while telling his family would never work. Even Hinata was an elusive path, for she could simply think less of him. Shino had never quite understood how _she_ felt about him, but there was something precious in their bond he never wanted to forsake. 

No, Shino would hide forever. He had failed trying to work up the courage to tell her and it had never come to be. Thus, the end of his most important research project was drawing to a dismal close. Shino carefully scooped a single mushroom from his both and nibbled at it. He was truly alone, then.

"Bro, you gonna eat that?"

Kiba poked him in the side, Kankuro leaning into him as they awaited his response. Shino felt the hairs on his skin heat in sudden discomfort.

"Please do," Hinata urged, "Kiba said you hadn't eaten yesterday and you need food to stay sharp for our practical. You can't study on an empty mind."

"Or an empty stomach." Kiba added.

 _'They are too good to me.'_ Shino admitted to himself.

"I'm just not hungry, that's all. I will eat later."

He pushed the miso bowl towards Kiba and stood, digging out his phone; Torune had texted him. He'd deal with, as always, later. Kiba glumly took the bowl and slurped from it, sriracha stains and ginger flecks decorating his facial hair. Hinata sighed; Shino just needed to leave. Now. The conversation was steering too close to the truth--a truth he wanted to hide no matter the costs to himself. Hinata grabbed his wrist and Shino's brain blurred.

She looked up to him, "Shino, if there's something troubling you, you _know_ we all will listen."

He paused and contemplated his next move: if he stayed, Shino would only grow in his anxiety over his secret, while if he left, he could take time (alone) to catch any earwigs in his remaining traps. The latter seemed to be a better procedure, but it came with the consequences of hurting his friends...still, he needed to leave. Shino needed time alone; it was where his best thing was.

"I'll meet you both for dinner, I promise." He answered.

Kiba and Kankuro looked disappointed; Hinata was a combination of unsurprised but unsure. Wordlessly, Shino pushed his chair in, grabbed his own recyclables, and left the cafeteria. His internal issue would have to wait; the earwigs couldn't.

*******************

For the rest of the afternoon, Shino sat in the backwoods, lifting rock after rock up to see if any specimens were present. Earwigs were incredibly fickle creatures as well as highly aggressive, using their thick cerci as strong clamps into their adversaries. He had found one--a large female--and was ready to capture it when suddenly a few blobs poked out from her underbelly: she had infants. Who was he to take away these poor things' mother? True, earwigs were cannibalistic after the first instar growth stage, but that was not Shino's decision to make. Let life take its course; he'd just find another, perhaps a male. They were smaller and had thinner exoskeletons to pierce with pins anyways. 

_'Let's check the traps, just for fun...'_

Shino hadn't been in the back woods since fending off deplorables with Hinata, so there was little chance the crude, homemade traps would have anything left. Most of the Ethanoyl would have leached into the ground, if anything. He trudged downhill, past a few barren trees, and found a trap--it was crushed in, the masking tape peeled off and it fluids evaporated. Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. A little further, the second trap was gone completely, its only trace of existence the bowl-sized hole in the soil. The third one he found only had dirt in it, and the fourth had a few Coleoptera, but Shino didn't need anymore beatles. 

Shino frowned, "Well, time to check the rocks, then."

So he squatted for an hour and then two, lifting up rock slabs and crumbling wayward bricks. A few worms (unusable), a ton of dead flies (the Diptera order and Muscidae family were already complete), and a massive dead katydid (which he gladly would save), but no earwigs. By the third hour, Shino was frustrated and dirty, the tips of his fingers scratched and his nails caked with soil. This was going nowhere, it seemed. The whole time, however, Shino had the silence he needed to reflect: he hadn't meant to brush off his friends so callously. They were looking to help, that's all.

Shino lifted another rock, _'But who am I to be helped?'_

The slab proved nothing once more; Shino dropped it with a heavy _thud_ and sat on the ground. He was so sure of himself now--he was confident in his deduction that he was ace--and felt he had found some type of peace of mind knowing this. He was confident, yea, but still lacking the one thing he knew he needed to feel whole.

He needed allies.

**_"SHIIIIIINO!"_ **

Shino turned towards the direction of the voice and pursed his lips; Kiba was crashing through the forest.

 **_"SHIIIINO!"_ ** He cried, "I need to find some help bugs too, y'know! **_SHIIIIINOOOOO!"_ **

"Arlight, Kiba! I hear you," Shino called back, though quieter, "You're going to scare off anything that's in a five-mile radius if you keep with that up."

Kiba came barreling down the slope, Akamaru in tow. His sister must have brought him up for the weekend. With an exuberant _woof,_ the duo arrived on the scene, Kiba carrying his net and equipment bag. Shino, in spite of himself, cracked a smile; Kiba obviously had taken Akamaru to the beach to frolic. The smell and trail of sand gave away everything.

"Hey, buddy, how are ya?" Kiba asked, plopping down besides him.

"Honestly, I am quite frustrated. I've been here for almost three hours, I'm covered in dirt, and..."

Akamaru was rubbing against his leg, distracting Shino enough to reach down and ruffle his fur. The puppy cooed with relief. 

Kiba fiddled with his coat zipper, "He can tell when people are upset, so you might as well tell me what's, ah, _buggin' ya."_

The cheeky grin he made soothed Shino's spirits; Kiba was such a wholesome human being to be around. 

"Are you still trying to get him certified?" Shino asked, nodding at the puppy.

Kiba grinned and ran a hand through his hair, "Yeah. Sis is working on the papers, but he's still pretty young. Kank gave me the idea, since he and Temari always wanted to get Gaara a therapy dog, with all their family shit."

"Well, Rock Lee seems to be doing a _phenomenal_ job as a substitute." Shino replied.

Kiba howled with laughter, Akamaru joined in an octave higher.

"Oh, he'll appreciate that," Kiba cackled, "Y'know, Kank's the whole reason those two love-doves got together in the first place."

Shina smiled wryly, "So, the idiot _does_ have some good ideas up in the empty head of his."

"Hey, it ain't empty--my man's got _plenty_ of fresh ideas in his head."

"All about you, no doubt."

"I can't help that he loves all of _this!"_

The two friends welled up with laughter as Akamaru growled along with glee, pawing abstractly at the little clusters of brown mushrooms on the ground. One of the larger ones tore in half, revealing an impressive earwig; Shino reacted with such speed that the bug didn't stand a chance: it was trapped in a kill-jar and dead in moments. Kiba double-taked, looking at the mushroom then the jar and at Shino. 

"Your reflexes are a goddamn gift, my dude," He marveled, "Goddamn gift."

"It's what every scientist needs in the field; you need to be willing to do what it takes to have the best results." Shino shrugged.

And that, deep down, was the core of Shino's will: he, as a scientist, strived to do his best. He'd take every risk, fend off any adversary, make any ally in order to complete his mission of discovery. Science is what grounded him; science is what made Shino very bit of himself.

So why was it difficult to be so bold with the rest of his identity?

Shino stared down into the Earth, imagining the insects underneath. They would never judge--of course not! They're insects; judging others because of their identity would be silly of them. They would just continue on, milling about as if Shino was among them the same. They'd never care nor never antagonize him because he was a little different. The love language of some insects was eating their mates, anyways. No, they had no jurisdiction to deduce him as lesser just because he had discovered he was asexual. Besides, plenty of insect orders already practiced asexual reproduction (besides the point). No, he would fit in quite nicely. But these were simply insects he was talking about--humans are what counted right now.

 _'I can't hide in my bugs forever.'_ Shino realized.

"Kiba, I think I need to--"

**_BRRRRING!_ **

Shino's phone vibrated and a sharp, hollow screeching came from the device. Akamaru started to howl as Kiba tried to calm the puppy down. Shino finally was able to dig it from his bag; his alarm to meet with Dr. Kurenai was going off.

"I got an advising appointment with Dr. Nai in twenty minutes," Shino explained, standing up, "I should be off."

Kiba looked at him as if he wanted to point something out, but made a face of disinterest.

"Alright, if you say so; where can I find these little buggers, though? Just in the mushrooms?" He replied.

"If you paid attention in class, you'd know the Forficulidae family enjoys dark, damps, and tight spaces." Shino chided.

"Fine, then, I'll...wait, Forficul- _what?"_

But Shino was already headed uphill.

"I believe in you, Kiba!"

******************

By the time he arrived, Dr. Kurenai was sitting in her office, busily hanging up some colorful drawings her daughter had sent her. She had scheduled a meeting to discuss with Shino his four-year plan at Konoha, as well as a lab assistant job request he had filed. They had both concluded that Shino would be a tremendous help to her or the other Earth Sciences professors, so all that was left was the student employee agreements. And as for the four-year plan, Shino already was lined up to graduate a semester early, having taken so many rigorous courses throughout high school and his first year of college. Already now, he was the only underclassmen in his labs. Shino had the potential to crush the rest of his academic path, his achievements already earning him distant scholarships for graduate school in the future. Yet, despite all this success, Shino hated talking about it; Kiba struggled in school and needed an extra year already, while Hinata fought tooth and nail to scrounge any funds. The Aburame Clan was gifted in their studies, and with his parents being sufficient public scientists, could afford to send SHino to wherever his heart desired. 

The country had a skewed system for education, and Shino loathed every bit of it. Thus, he never indulged in his privileges; Dr. Kurenai was the only person he ever really talked to about his studies. His clan was kind but nosey, his friends in different spots of life, and the rest of his peers holding distaste for his above-average skills. Shino knocked quietly; he could see Dr. Kurenai's shadow move towards him.

"I assume you were off bug-hunting?" She greeted, taking a quick glance at Shino's clothes.

Shino nodded, "Yes. I have an earwig in my backpack right now, so I'll go pin him after our meeting."

"Hm, a _him_ , I see," She replied, leading him to a small coffee table, "Do they have eight abdominal segments?"

"I checked twice."

"Then I believe you are correct."

Kurenai sat in her swivel and began typing away at her desktop, Shino patiently flipping through a few of her daughter's drawings. Mirai has just entered the second grade and seemed to spend most of her time drawing caricatures of her father and grandfather.

Shino's mouth twitched up, _'Sai would be amused...'_

They talked about Shino's courses for the next semester, how he was handling his labs, and a few possible schools to start looking at to continue his ecology degree; they discussed insects and how much they both enjoyed the entomology lab (because even though it was a ridiculously wild ride, Shino never went a day without being excited to attend class), as well as planning a celebratory meal for all the rest her advisee students once the practical was over. In general, they just _chatted_ and Shino felt relieved. For a few minutes, he could forget how much his own image ate away at him. Right now, bugs were all that were important.

Dr. Kurenai shifted in her chair and crossed her legs, "You're grades are excellent, always; is there anything else you'd like to discuss before I have to meet with another student?"

For some reason, Shino saw this as a sign. He could tell Dr. Kurenai; she was one of the few adults he trusted on campus, so what was holding him back?

 _'What if she doesn't see me the way_ **_I_ ** _see myself?'_

There was really only one way to find out.

"Dr. Nai, I can't tell you much, but there is something bothering me," Shino began, "I have come to realize that I am..well... _different,_ but that's all I can say. That's all I feel comfortable with saying, actually."

The blood in Shino was churning and he felt a severe spike of anxiety, but the way Dr. Kurenai's eyes crinkled with sympathy as she bridged her fingers together put him closer to ease.

"As long as you and everyone else is safe, there is no pressure to tell me anything. _You_ have to make that decision for yourself, Shino."

And she was absolutely right.


	5. Traditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Traditional' ~ "Existing in or as part of a tradition; a long-established practice of ethics, thinking, and actions, both empowering and discriminative"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implied homophobic parents (I really didn't mean to do Rasa dirty it just fit the plot)

"How many tarsi does the Blattodea have?"

"five to seven, depending on the species."

"Nice. And what are a few of their defining features?"

"Well, there's lots: their bodies are flat and logn, they have scent glands on their lateral sides, they're nocturnal, they have ten abdominal segments..."

Shino sat in the library, his laptop open and notebooks out. On the screen, Torune sat, reading off flashcards. They had been at it for almost an hour, Torune reading aloud while Shino fired back answer after answer with precision. Due to the sudden coldwave, Dr. Kurenai had moved the practical exam up a week, meaning the lector part was equally as close. Shino saw no time should be wasted, and had called up his cousin to study en masse. Thankfully, it provided the siblings with some quality time together--they both got to talk about bugs, and how could they be any happier?

Torune flipped another card, "You got taxonomy down pretty well; let's try anatomy. Any preferences?"

"Internal, Respiratory, please. I was struggling with those earlier." Shino replied. 

"Alright; spiracles. What are they and where are they?" 

"They are the lateral openings on an insect; air comes through and is transported to the trachea."

"Beautiful. Let's go out of order...what are air sacs?"

"Oh, easy: they are used by airborne insects to breathe better in thinner oxygen levels. They expand."

Torune nodded along and flipped a few more cards; him and Shino went through this for another half-hour until Torune stretched his arms above his head and yawned. It was early morning, yet Shino was restless. The exam portion of the practical was now five days away, meaning he had roughly a week or so to finish up his collection. Thankfully, he only had a few more families to pick out; he was meeting Kiba up later to go and get Akamaru checked for fleas and lice, leading to two potentially brand-new families for them to use. The vet appointment wasn't until mid-afternoon, so Shino had decided to put his freetime into studying. It was helpful as it was _distracting._

And by distracting it provided this: Shino knew Torune wanted to follow up with how the family visit had gone a couple weeks ago. After the tense conversation at lunch, dinner hadn't gone much better, his parents prying into Kiba's relationship as well as how neither of them could quite comprehend _why_ Shino insisted on not dating. Yes, he never had and always used the excuse that he was disinterested, but how could he tell them the truth? He knew so many horror stories of parents that disowned and forced out their children after coming out--how was he any different? It was a problem, one that Shino just chose to avoid constantly.

"Hey, you thinking of going to that Hidden Leaf formal?" Torune asked.

Shino narrowed his eyes behind his glasses, _'He is way too connected to this place still.'_

"Not at all. It's not an inter--"

"--an interest. Right."

Shino crossed his arms, "I have a practical to prepare for."

"And so do others. They have practicals, finals, senior thesis...they're still going," Touren objected, "Ask Hinata; she'd be a good date. You could be more, who knows."

Shino did his best to keep a straight face, but on the inside a siren was going off in his head. Yes, she would, but Shino needed to understand himself better--more importantly, he needed to understand his feelings for her and how they fit into his identity. Besides, the formal was less than a month away; Shikamaru had proven time and time again that you _never_ wait this long to ask a girl out to a formal. 

"Kiba and Kankuro aren't going to the formal, and neither is Hinata," Shino pointed out, "We will do something else as a group instead."

Tornune humed in amusement, "Better make sure that Naruto-friend of yours doesn't snatch up her."

Shino rolled his eyes; he maybe not be socially-adept, but he was no fool: Naruto was a bisexual disaster, pining after both Sakura and Sasuke. No, he only saw Hinata as a friend. With a sigh, he began to pack up his things; Kiba was texting him rapid-fire, freaking out about some crickets he needed to catch. He might as well go help; it would cheer him up, anyways. Touren seemed to sense what he was doing.

"You gotta go?" He asked.

Shino nodded curtly, "Kiba needs some help with crickets...one of them self-destructed, I bet."

"Oh, that will be hilarious." Touren chuckled.

They said their goodbyes and hung up, Shino dumping his laptop into his bag and rising. He needed a better distraction, anyways.

****************

By the time Shino arrived at the beach, Kiba was in the grass, crouched down and holding out his butterfly net threateningly. With the cold months creeping closer and closer, all Entomology students were finding it more and more difficult to catch insects. In short, they were running out of time. Some, like Shino, were practically done, while others like Hinata were in need of one or two more specimens. Then there were people like Kiba. Kiba Inuzuka was missing almost half of the specimens he needed, spending most of his time doing anything _but_ catching insects. He'd skip the lab, forget to bring out equipment, and had even sent Kankuro once or twice to collect something for him. Such were the woes of a young man who feared ladybugs and crickets more than his GPA.

"Hey, ready to watch a shitshow?" 

On the hill that bridged the beach and residence halls together, Kankuro sat, sipping at a wine cooler and playing on his phone. Shino eyed him, but decided to sit with him. The two had never quite gotten along, but Shino could tolerate Kankuro enough to sit with him for a bit. Besides, it was amusing watching Kiba panic over one of his kill-jars.

"Self-destructed?" Shino asked.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow, "You bet."

Shino shook his head; a chief defensive move that the Orthoptera order used was their ability to self-destruct. Self-destructing consisted of an individual ripping iits limbs off, regurgitating its stomach, and (though rarely) gouging its head against something. It was a gruesome scene to watch and by no means was beneficial to any species, yet the hoppers continued on, the ones in Kiba's jar screaming with fury at being taken alive.

"Guys, they're screaming!" Kiba cried, "Like, really, _really_ screaming."

"They do that." Shino called; he turned back to Kankuro, "Most insects will, actually."

"Yup. Like that poor bumblebee Kiba caught," Kankuro scowled, "Poor guy was crying for _hours_ over it."

"Yeah, it _is_ pretty hard to watch."

They sat for a solemn second, Shino slowly retracing his steps back into his own mind. He wasn't really one for conversations and barely knew a thing about Kankuro; Kiba had mentioned he's into woodworking but that was ever it. Besides, Shino had to clear his own head and deal with his own worries. They watched Kiba lunge at the grass and fluster over and over.

"Y'know," Kankuro began, "You make things really hard on yourself."

Shino furrowed his brow, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Shi."

_'What?'_

"Elaborate, then."

Kankuro smiled sadly and stretched his legs out, crossing them by the ankles in the grass.

"You make life so hard for yourself by hiding it," He repeated," Come on; you're not _that_ different from others."

"I'm not hiding anything." Shino protested.

"Yeah, but I think you are."

Shino sighed; so this was how he'd do it, then. This was how he'd come out. He took a deep breath and exhaled quietly.

 _'Fine, then.'_ He decided, _'Let's get this over with.'_

"How did you find out?"

Kankuro smirked, "My gay-dar isn't that bad, honestly. I've been pegging people forever; I pegged you first day of orientation, I pegged Kiba by month two of last semester....dude, I pegged myself when I was in sixth grade."

"So, why bring this up to me now?" Shino asked, "If you were so confident in your hypothesis with me, why didn't you--"

"Because this isn't something you face with logic. Or structure, for that matter. You need to understand in your own way."

Shino let out a bitter laugh, "I understand that I am miserable. I understand that I have to hide who I am because there are too many factors against me and because I am _broken._ What else is there?"

"Honestly, for someone so damn smart as yourself, you don't get it." Kankuro said.

"And what don't I get?"

"That who you are is _okay."_

Shino watched Kankuro take a sip of his drink and felt his own mind buzz. Nobody, during this whole mess of internal events, had said that before. And it was because he hadn't given anyone the chance yet. Kankuro looked at him and smiled to himself.

"I get why you might be scared; my father was ready to kick me out of the house when I told him I was gay. If it weren't for me, Gaara would have never been able to get with Lee. I paved a pathway for him, of some sorts." He reflected.

Shino nodded, ignoring the slightly illustrious tone of his; "What about Temari?"

Kankuro grinned, "Oh, she may be with Shika right _now,_ but I've seen the way she looks at Tenten. I see things, my dude. I _see_ things."

Shino rolled his eyes playfully; farther down the hill, Kiba was running after a locust of some sorts, chasing it further and further away from their seat.

"Did Kiba ever tell you how he came out?" Kankuro asked.

 _'Yes, high school. Junior year. He'd asked me on a date, which I politely turned down...'_ Shino recollected inside.

"Yes, he has." 

_'...and he's been one of my closest friends ever since.'_

"Look, you don't even have to label yourself, " Kankuro said, "If you aren't ready to, you don't have to. The whole situation already is tough and scary just _realizing_ you got a rainbow soul. I know plenty of people who are simply queer and leave it at that. Or you can be a fusion of things, right: I know a girl back in high school who was panromantic and asexual. Talk about a contradiction! But it doesn't matter what I say, or what Kiba says, or what your parents say...what matters is what you say. Only _you_ matter when it comes to figuring out who you are."

Shino set his mouth firm, "So, then, does it make sense to have...feelings for someone when you're asexual?"

"Yes, I believe so," Kankuro mused, "And, though I don't know _who_ that may be for you, but they'll be very lucky when the time comes that you tell them."

Kiba came bounding by, net raised like a weapon as he sped after another locust, screaming battle cries and curses while other bystanders watched on with confusion and a twinge of fear. Shino hummed; Kiba was entertaining, as always.

"He's such a moron." He laughed lightly.

Kankuro grinned, "Yeah, he's a dumbass, but he's _my_ dumbass. I love the guy; I think what he does for me is great."

The two sat for a bit enjoying the afternoon sun, the lake's waves gliding in and out of the rocky beach like a knife. 

"This goes without saying, but you don't have to analyze your relationships either," Kankuro stated, "I may sound preachy, but platonic love is just as beautiful as romantic love. You don't have to fit whatever traditional, mainstream set of social relationships that exist to find someone you care about. And you don't need those same boundaries to help someone else find _you_ to care about."

There was a pause; Shino stared off into the water.

"You don't need sex in order to have a lover; you aren't broken. You're just a little different and _that is okay_ no matter what. Remember that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a Kankuro in my life. I still do. But, for everyone who feels the same, don't worry; they'll come around eventually.


	6. A Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Mission' ~ "An important assignment or goal, usually carried out by a select group or an individual possessing required skill sets for impending obstacles"

Three days.

He waited approximately three days to gather his closest friends.

It was only a couple of days before their lab practical exam, and Shino was more than ready to take it. He had spent every waking minute running through all three hundred-plus flashcards, practiced external and internal anatomy labelling rountinuly, and was even preparing his sleep schedule to stay sharp enough on the day of the exam. Kiba may be pulling an all-nighter, but he'd be damned if his sleep cycle prevented any success. The test was organized as a standard written exam and a microscope test, where a student was required to accurately identify an insect's order and family via key physical features and the naked eye. Shino had dedicated hours upon hours of practice with Dr. Kurenai's collection, but the spelling of the Latin names was still a concern. Names like "Auchenorrhyncha" or "Libellulidae" didn't exactly roll off the tongue. 

After his conversation with Kankuro (as well as witnessing Kiba sob for twenty minutes), Shino had decided he could tell his roommate. He still was uneasy; Kiba liked to correct people whenever given the chance and tended to favor arguments over resolution. Neji and Lee weren't even part of the question yet, as were the rest of their friend-group. Shino needed one more person to open up to. Then, he’d talk to Hinata.

Coming out to Hinata was a different plan than Kiba's; Shino, admittedly, felt a different bond towards her, and was worried. He was afraid. What would she think of his new identity? Would she be nervous if he told her how he felt deep down inside? Would she understand what he'd try to convey about how he saw her? There were so many roadblocks floating in his head that Shino was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on his studies.

Hence, the plan for immediate action. 

The plan was simple: invite Kiba and Hinata out to grab coffee or something after lab, then tell them. The trio made routine stops for a post-lab pick-up, so the setting was already a comfortable one and the people he was going to be were those he felt, well, safe to talk to. They were his closest friends; they just had to be open to him. Walking into the lab, though, Shino felt a familiar tug in the back of brain. He should be worried, right? Terrified, even. And he had been for over a month now, so why was he not now? 

Shino shoved his hands into his pockets; the lab classroom today was crowded with students vying for a microscope to identify their insects en masse. Shino couldn't contain with smile--he was finally done with his collection, having taken off work and even skipped his night class to complete the last of his labels. He had to admit, he was _very_ proud of his work. Though it may have looked modest, Shino's insect collection was pristiern and precise, so much so that his peers would take note of it for their own references. It filled him with joy and with the confidence that he needed; Hinata was peeking into his.

"Shino," She said, "These dragonflies are gorgeous! And the grasshoppers...how did you not get any with missing legs..."

Kiba popped up beside them, "Yeah! How _did_ you get any hoppers without their legs popping off?"

"A scientist must take extreme percautions with their specimens." Shino replied.

_'Or know how to superglue a leg or two back on, heh.'_

"It's pretty impressive, did you catch any butterflies?" Hinata asked, setting down her own box.

Shino beckoned their attention to an enormous yellow and white flower that was pressed; pinned gently to one of its petals was a brown, rust-colored butterfly. It was smaller than a quarter and had mesmerizing black and white markings on its wings. Shino beemed.

"This," He announced, straightening his glasses, "Is a Painted Lady butterfly; Lepidoptera Nymphalidae. I caught it while searching for bees."

"That's just incredible." Kiba mumbled.

Dr. Kurenai walked by, "It sure is! These butterflies were some of the first to arrive here in the mainland."

More classmates came by to stare and Shino felt strangely at ease. Watching his two friends, eyes rapt to the attention of the butterfly's melted orange colors, he slowly started to piece together the data he would present to them;

_'I have no easy or clear way of telling you, but I know I can trust you as my closest, dearest friends. You have been here for me and I have been here for you and that is no easy feat. I've struggled a bit of my own and have tried to understand myself better...'_

******************

"...understand myself better, and it's eaten me up inside--I realize I'm rambling. Look, I have wanted to tell you both for awhile that I am a little different; you already know where this is going, I bet, but I took as much time as I could to better identify who I am. I'm _ace,_ or asexual, but more importantly a romantic ace, and just need you both to support me. That's all because I'm going to tell my parents--my whole family, one day--and the _worst thing_ that could happen is that I lose both theirs and our bond. I really, _really_ need both of you to just be safe people to go to and someone who I feel comfortable being myself and not having to question my very _existence_ like I'm some sort of broken lab equipment or faulty data sheet. I'm sorry...I'm still droning on--I don't think I've _talked_ this much before, actually..."

Kiba and Hinata were staring; Shino's world was slowing. 

_'I can do this. I already am doing this...'_

He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and felt his way down to his coat zipper, flicking it mindlessly. Kiba, who had been chewing on his straw like an unruly puppy, stared open-mouth. Hinata was more difficult to read; her brow arched with slight concern, but nothing more could be told.

"Bro," Kiba sputtered, "Bro...are you...are you _coming out_ to me?"

"Well, that _is_ the directive of this conversation." Shino replied, perplexed, "What else am I supposed to--"

Kiba practically jumped the table to hug him. It was one of those tight, squishy hugs that made Shino cringe but also relax into; Kiba smelled like dog pellets, the woods, and pomegranates. And, then Hinata, light as a lilac and determined as daybreak, joined them--they stood, huddled together in the middle of the crowded coffee shop, hugging and chattering together. He had _done it_...he really had done it!

"I'm sorry I waited so long--"

"Don't. Don't apologize. You _never_ apologize for this type of stuff, ever."

The anxiety, the relentlessness, the _fear._..all started to chip away; Shino was molting, like one of his dragonflies or beetles, into someone who he finally recognized. And it was thrilling! Absolutely _thrilling._ Hinata found one of his hands and squeezed it tight, causing Shino's heart to swarm with shock and resolution. He'd tell her what he felt towards her, yes, as soon as he could. He would tell her how her words of advice always made him feel wise, he'd tell her all the times he believed she could conquer anything she worked hard at; he would tell her how sacred their bond had grown and how it was simply too intricate and unique to ever doubt. Shino would tell Hinata Hyuga just what he saw in her as soon as he could.

"You are unique, Shino," She whispered, her grip tightening, "And you are so sure of yourself. And we _love you_ for that."

Yes, for love could mean so many things. It could mean friendship, companionship, romance, familial ties...it could mean all of it. And all this time, Shino had been putting what love meant to him inside a box made by others' opinions. He had been limiting himself; he wasn't broken, after all.

"Thank you Hinata, Kiba," Shino breathed, "I--I am just _relieved._.."

Kiba grinned and pulled back, "You _need_ to tell Kank!" He said excitedly.

"He already did, butthead."

Kankuro was waiting in line for coffee a few feet away, his phone out and his hip cocked. Kiba grinned and bounded over to him.

"You're playing Pokemon Go again, huh?"

"No!"

"Sure, sure, of course, baby; lemme see!"

"Bitch, you do realize you're, like, _screaming_ at the top of your lungs right now, right?"

Kiba frowned, "Eh, who cares. You're shouting too, anyways."

"Idiots." Shino mumbled, "Absolute idiots."

Hinata laughed, "But they're out idiots, unfortunately."

 _'Yes, they are,'_ He thought, _'Complete, unapologetic idiots who I trust so much and care about me so deeply. They're my idiots.'_

On a whim, Shino glanced at his watch and frowned; Torune had texted him on his phone. He set his jaw first and looked to Hinata in a stolen glance, taking note of how sharp her eyes looked. Torune was presenting him with the perfect opportunity, one where if he didn't take it, Shino would regret it so much. 

_Dinner tomorrow at the house? Wanna ride?_

Shino read the text twice and grabbed his cold brew, taking a slow sip. Finally, he reopened his phone.

_Sure. I have my exam on Monday, so I need to be back by Sunday._

*******************

Shino, Kiba, and Hinata (and a very confused-but-supportive Negi, Lee, and Gaara) gathered in the conjoined suite, using Neji's TV as a projector screen. Shino had been insistent to create a roadmap of his impending debate--his clan would be a much harder audience to present his identity to as opposed to his friends. They took turns running through scenarios, with both positive and negative reactions, until late in the evening. And, though Shino insisted that he provide his newer audience with a fully equipped slides presentation, Neji and Hinata were adamant against it. By night, Shino was ready; Torune was picking him up at ten o'clock sharp.

******************

"How's it go in fair Konoha?" Torune asked.

Shino rolled his eyes with a light smile and opened the back seat, tossing his backpack into the end of his cousin's truck. 

"Not too terribly, I must admit," He replied, "But there's something we need to talk about."

He closed the door and Torune pulled the car out of the parking lot; Shino paused for a minute and evaluated what he had just said. Wouldn't it be more strategic to tell his elder brother-figure about coming out when they were closer to home, where Shino wouldn't have to deal with any backlash for so long? Or was it a more beneficial move to tell Torune now and avoid the uncomfortable silence they'd give each other for the hour-long drive?

_'Stop thinking so analytically. You promised yourself you'd do this, so let's at least get over one obstacle.'_

"Torune, I should have told you before, but there's something about me that I've been keeping hidden for awhile and I am telling everyone at home as well." Shino declared.

"Hm? What's that, then? Have you had a secret girlfriend this whole time? Are you _finally_ thinking about asking Hinata to the--"

"Torune, I'm ace."

His cousin gave him a weird look; Shino held his breath and set his lip firm, the sudden blast of heat fogging his glasses up.

"What? Like, asexual? That thing?" Torune asked.

Shino nodded, "Yes."

Torune whistled as they took a turn, "Of course you are...dinner is going to be _such_ an adventure tonight."

He shook his head and Shino felt his heart crash in the car seat.

"Ace...goddamn."

******************

When they opened the front door, suddenly Shino's plan went out the window. Torune and him had, as predicted, sat in silence for the entirety of the drive up, his cousin only noticing him to ask him absurd questions like "So you can't feel anything, or you choose not to?" or "Are you able to love people?" or "Did something, like, happen to you that you're like this now?" Ridiculous questions, in Shino's opinion. He knew who he was; Torune was just abrasively confused. And his parents would end up being so too, he bet. When they walked in, Shino's mother was unpacking her briefcase while his father folded laundry.

"How was the ride back?" Suzume asked.

Torune chuckled darkly, "Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating."

 _'Goddammit.'_ Shino thought, going over to hug his mother in greeting.

"It was alright, not to long, really. But we need to talk, Mom. Dad needs to be present too."

Mrs. Aburame looked concerned but nodded, calling for her husband to join them. Together, the Aburame Clan family sat in their living room, with Shino standing in front of the sofa. He took a deep breath and was about to launch into a presentation he had secretly practiced when, all of a sudden, Kankuro's words rang in his head.

_'You're just different and that's okay. Remember that.'_

"Mom, Dad; I already have told Torune, but it's time for both of you to know too. I've been trying to figure this out for awhile--for so long, actually--and I think I'm at peace with my decision. After doing so much research, I can proudly say to you that I'm asexual. Ace is the common term, precisely. And I hope that you can support me just as much as you have without knowing this."

Shino's reveal was met with blank stares.


	7. Celebrate!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Celebrate' ~ "To acknowledge a significant or happy day or event"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: negative reactions to coming out, vomiting, and mild anxiety attack triggers

"How's this even _possible?"_

The words fell onto the coffee table, rattling like rocks. Like acorn shells or dead insects. Shino took another deep breath, trying to stop the walls from spinning and the floor was lurching upwards. He was going to faint, no doubt about it. He had scrapped his plan in haste and was now paying the consequences. Neji should have let him made that PowerPoint of his.

_'Dammit this is not the time to get nervous.'_

"Shino, where's this coming from?" Suzume asked.

Shino tried to fiddle with his coat zipper, _'You need to relax and continue on. You're not broken, so remember that.'_

"Did Kiba put you up to this?" Shibi asked.

"What?" He said, shocked, "Why would you think _that?_

His parents exchanged a glance and shifted uncomfortably; Torune was chewing on his lip and averting eye contact. Shino felt his fist clench, forcing himself to exhale the massive amount of air he was holding in. Of course they'd react this way! Why, though? When Kiba had first come out, it was an accident at a family dinner, mentioning a guy in the same animal behaviorist course in an extremely telling way. Shino's family had been polite and even encouraging, but now they were baffled and almost...upset. Why would they not show him the same type of acceptance? Was it all a lie then? Had they just hidden their true feelings but couldn't bear to see one of their own as different? Why wasn't _he_ getting the acceptance that he _deserved?_ Shino suddenly felt angry--really, _really_ angry. Angrier than he had ever been before...

His mother tried speak, "Well, we just think--"

"Mom, I'm sorry, but this isn't about what _you_ think," He stated, "This isn't some null hypothesis that you've proven over and over that's wrong. This is _my identity_ , mom, my deepest feelings about who I am. Nobody has made me think anything except that I do not belong or that I'm broken!"

"Shino, this could just be a small phase of life." His father said quietly.

Torune shook his head, "You don't say that to people when they're coming out."

"No, you don't," Shino repeated, "Because only I know how this has made me feel. And, sure, maybe I won't be this way forever, but I'm allowed to make that decision on my own. Because it's _my_ identity."

"Well, how do you think _we_ feel?" His mother demanded, "To have you be keeping this...this _secret_ from us for who knows how long--"

"I have been hiding this because I was afraid of a reaction like _this,"_ Shino explained, "Idiots classify people who are asexual as robots or some type of dysfunctional, lesser person just because we don't show others love the same exact way! All my life, both you and dad and even Torune have been pestering me with finding a partner or somebody to go out and have a good time with and _to have children_ and so many other things that I've never felt comfortable with or even wanted for myself. I don't _want_ these things for myself because I don't see other people this way..."

Shino took a deep breath; he was rambling on and needed to make his point clear once more. 

"I need you all--my family, my _precious family_ \--to please accept me as I am. I just...I just..."

 _'You need to get space and regroup!'_ His brain demanded, _'Get space and regroup and save this mess from getting worse!'_

"Shi, you okay?" Torune asked, an arch of concern in his glassy eyes.

"I need a minute."

Shino ducked out of the living room, leaving his parents and Torune in order to get to the bathroom; he felt nauseous, all of a sudden, and didn't even bother closing the door as he knelt down and wretched into the toilet. This was a disaster, a failed approach. A mess that only he and he himself had caused!

Coughing, Shino grabbed his glasses that had landed on the toilet rim (thank God) and tossed them onto the floor, a few wisps of his hair tangled in the wire rim. Then, he started to cry, more than he ever had in his life. How could he have been so _foolish_ to believe he could just walk in and demand acceptance from people who really had never been on the same page as him?

The tears started to mix with snot and a string of drool dripped down from his lips; he _loved_ his parents. He _loved_ Torune. So why couldn't they love him as he was now?

_'You've failed.'_

**************

After what felt like an eternity, knock came from the thin wood.

"Shi?" His mother croaked, "Please, we need to try this again."

_'What's even the point?'_

A creaking of floors indicated to him that his father was standing next to the door as well.

"Please, come out Shino."

Shino wanted to laugh at the bitter irony; yes, he was trying to--that was the reason he ended up face-first in the toilet anyways. Then a third knock, Torune's, echoed into the small room. Slowly, Shino rose to his knees and reached to flush the toilet, watching the saliva from an empty stomach swish away and out of his sight. He grabbed his glasses, cleaned them with his sleeve, and readjusted them, wincing as they snagged on a wisp of hair. The door creaked open further, his parents and cousin peeking in like a pack of guilty dogs. Like the poor bumblebees Kiba had to kill, all droopy and sadden. 

"Shino, we're going to try this again," Torune repeated, "And we're going to do this the _correct_ way."

His voice sounded like soil, earthy and reeking with possibility. For some reason, Shino decided to trust him; he rose, unzipped his coat and inhaled deeply. Time to try again.

"Shino, we don't entirely understand what's going on with you," His mother began, "But I guess that's really besides the point...we do not get to say whether or not you understand yourself."

"And we shouldn't; only you can do that, Shi." His father added.

Shino sniffed and held his chin up high; he was a scientist, an Aburame, a person's best friend, another's close confidant, and a girl's favorite person to talk to. He was brave--he needed to be because he _already was_ doing so. Yes, he already was being brave. How else would even have gotten this far?

He breathed with confidence once more, "I will help you understand, one day, if you want. It took quite a lot of research, but I am certain of who I am. I _know_ I am."

"And that's going to have to be enough for us," Shibi explained, a tension visibly lifting from his shoulders, "That can be enough for us."

Now Torune spoke up, "We don't get to make your decisions for you. Nobody should, really."

Shino nodded; he was right. Absolutely right.

I'm sorry I made this all so complicated." He blurted.

Suzume shook her head, "We're the ones who need to apologize. Please, hun."

She reached her arms, out beckoning for a hug. For a minute, Shino felt himself stiffen and recoil, but in the end he relented; he closed the last gap between his parents and him and embraced them, Torune patting his back reassuringly. How strange; forty minute ago, the clan was shattered, Shino on a lone side while staring into a family that suddenly had become foreign to him. Now, they reunited once more, clothes shufflign against each other and muffled crying-- _his_ crying--the only sounds in the household. The Aburame clan was of little say and few words, but Shino had said his and dammit, he had done it!

It was messy, it was completely skewed from his plan, but Shino had won. He had actually done it.

************

Shino sat at his lab table, a microscope and a randomized collection of insects displayed before him. Every other peer of his in class was seated as such, a mixture of assurance and fear in their eyes; Dr. Kurenai sat at her own table, at the head of the class, her clipboard and ink pen present and her eyes peeling over her students. On the other side of the room, Kiba was chewing on his pencil, while Hinata sat at the front of the class, notebook paper poised and pen ready to strike. Shino took in one breath, paused, and released. They'd have roughly an hour.

"Alright, class," Dr. Kurenai began, "By the end of class everyone's collection shall be turned in and your practical will be complete. From there, the last few days of class will be dedicated to a mini-project regarding honey bee conservation."

Shino nodded along with everyone else, the room suddenly feeling hot. He zipped his coat off and hung it on the chair, earning a ridiculous murmur from the guy next to him. Guess he's never taken his coat off in public before...

"Your time starts now, begin!"

Shino's hand flew across his test sheet, the little specimens resulting with the speed of his pencil. For their practicum, there were a total of thirteen mystery insects that needed to be identified by the naked eye and spelled correctly in their common and scientific names. Two additional insects (making fifteen) were required to be identified using their registered insect dictomony key textbooks, with the steps and clues provided as to how said insects were identified. For Shino, these two were easy: one of them was one of Dr. Kurenai's dead Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches, while the second was a common horsefly. Both easy to identify by eye, but hard to roadmap through the keys. 

_'Piece of pie.'_ Shino mused, scribbling down the answers.

Next, he filed through the rest of the collection; the dragonflies were easy, the crane fly was a gift, the giant water bugs (Hemiptera, Belostomatidae) were just _incredible_ to look at; the weevils (his favorites) were surprisingly small, and the random tiger beetle that appear seemed to good to be true. Shino was enjoying himself as he counted abdominal segments, leg tarsis, and occeli; he was happy to be back in his element. And nobody could stop him.

His family had come to reconcile with him, no more than a few uncomfortable ignorant questions during dinner and a very bashful Torune while he drove him back up. It was perfect, but Shino knew it could be so much worse. It could be like Kankuro's father, or Hinata and Neji's parents, or even Sasuke's family. The Aburame clan could have been worse, but they also could have been kinder from the beginning.

 _'It's all over, now,'_ Shino reminded himself, _'And they support you.'_

***********

"Alright, time's up!"

Dr. Kurenai filed through the classroom as students returned their microscopes, collecting their sheets and reminding everyone to leave all the bugs in their cases. One by one, the physical insect collections were collected, Shino's own being two boxes full. Kiba and Hinata begged him to come with them to get coffee, and Shino couldn't help but accept the offer. Smiling, he told them his order, hanging back to help return Dr. Kurenai's specimens.

"How was your weekend, Dr. Nai?" He asked

Dr. Kurenai smiled as she set a few walking sticks back into their boxes, "Hmm, Mr. Sarutobi and I had Konohamaru come by and babysit Mirai for the night, so we had a chance to get out of the house."

Shino nodded along and plucked some beetles, admiring them, and setting them into their homes.

"Did you have a good weekend?"

Shino stalled, reflected, and his face twitched upwards; "I guess so. I had some important things to talk to my family about..."

"And how'd that go?"

"Well enough, I believe."

He could see Dr. Kurenai smile; "Good, I'm glad. You should go celebrate with your friends, now, then."


	8. Doubt (Free Day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> • 'Doubt' ~ "A feeling of uncertainty or fear, typically accompanied by a daunting task"

Shino and Kiba sat in their room, their suitmates Naruto, Shikamaru, and Choji all hollering at the T.V next door. Ino had rented out the latest Gutsy Ninja movie and they all were wrapped up in it, the cheering vibrating through the shared bathroom hall. In their own room, Kiba and Shino were playing cards, Akamaru flopped into his owner's lap. 

Winter break had come and gone, Shino and Kiba and the rest of their class finding out their final exam scores; Shino had crushed the competition while Kiba had just passed the class. Both were relieved to have gone home and come back for new classes, the campus weather promising snowy days and online classes during storms. For Shino, the holiday break had given him a chance to talk to the Aburame clan and actually teach them a little more--asexuality was just another topic to learn about and the family held a deep desire for constant growth in knowledge. It was almost too perfect.

Almost, though.

"So, I assume you and Kank are going to the Spring Recruitment formal?" He asked casually.

Kiba nodded along, "Yeah, if he can get his act together and ask me, that is."

"This isn't like high school, Kiba. You're not going to get some big, fancy posters and flowers."

"Well maybe I want those," His friend replied, "Besides, any guy who gets flowers is pretty lucky."

Shino shrugged and slapped down a green Reverse card; they'd been playing Uno for two hours. So far, Shino had won eleven rounds to Kiba's three. And, by the current looks of it, a twelfth win was on its way.

"Well, I'm not really the person to consult on the matter."

Kiba growled and scratched his puppy's ears; "You're still into romance right?"

"Not necessarily." Shino replied.

"Well, then, that does it," Kiba said, searching through his deck, "Fuck, how did I already run out of greens?"

A whooping from Naruto burst into the bathroom; somehow, Shino was neither surprised nor startled.

_ 'How can they even get so excited over a movie?' _ He tsked, throwing a few card combos.

"I'm sure Kankuro will have a splendid way to ask you, Kiba," Shino continued, "He really does love you."

Kiba humed happily, "Aw, I know, Shi. He's a real sweety."

Akamaru pawed at a few discarded cards, nibbling on the corners and licking Kiba's exposed ankle. With a soft whine, Kiba lifted his puppy--who was starting to become too big to be called a puppy--and smother him with kisses, the dog returning them with zeal. Shino smiled; Gaara and Kiba had been working with Akamaru the past few weeks to start his training, all thanks to Kankuro.

"So, what is your plan with Hinata?"

The question, though he had been expecting it for a while now, hit Shino with a burst of redness. What  _ was _ he going to do about his feelings--whatever they were--for Hinata Hyuga? There was no way she'd want to go to the formal; Hinata hated big public events and, as much as she'd want to please her friends, had so far been  _ very _ adamant to Ino and Sakura that she did not want to go. Coincidentally, Shino had been playing that same game with Kiba and Kankuro. It was a match made in introverted heaven.

"I want to talk to her, ask her what she thinks of us and such." Shino replied, "But I'm not sure."

Kiba threw down a color wheel card, forcign Shino to sift in his deck for a red card.

"I can help, if you want." Kiba stated, winking.

"I do not think it will be at my best benefit to have you as my, ah,  _ wingman _ for this."

"Bitch, you're cruel."

"So you say."

"Well, you gotta tell her  _ something, _ since I told her you're going to meet her up in the eco-garden later today." Kiba huffed.

Shino looked aghast; "You did _ what?" _

Kiba grinned bearing his teeth, "You got an hour, I think."

_ 'Moron.' _ Shino scowled.

"This--specifically this right here--is why nobody should ever trust you as their wingman."

************

Hinata Hyuga was sitting in the garden, moon-wide eyes gazing at the basil, rosemary, and thyme that surrounded her. As usual, her face was oh so expressive, the lines around her lips morphing into a line of delight as she dragged her fingers through the sticky dirty. From below, Shino looked up the flight of stairs and through the greenhouse's glass panes, watching her peer on and mumbling to herself while a strange but swift movement filled his heart. 

_ 'You're a pro at talking about things, an absolute pro.' _ He convinced himself, rather dumbly.

He went up the stairs, neurons firing, and pulled open the entrance door; his hair poofed upon impact with the humid hair and Shino shed his coat completely, like a caterpillar removing its cocoon. Before he could open his lips, Hinata caught eye of him.

"Hi, Shi," She said, "How are you?"

Such a formal question, too formal for the relationship they already had. A sudden spike of anxiety lodged itself into Shino's brain and he almost turned and ran in fear. What was he even doing here? Hinata was one of his closest friends; whatever he said would surely alter their connection and they'd never be able to go back. Did he even want a relationship? Romantic asexuality--what he could confidently call himself now--couldn't mean this, did it? Had he been lying to himself this whole time, making an excuse for the fact that Shino Aburame had never found somebody special enough? Or that nobody had ever found  _ him _ special enough?

"I'm alright."

Shino sat next to her, the cold, concrete fairy bench holding them at just inches away from touching. 

"Look," Shino stumbled, "I know Kiba told you something, probably, but I need to be very honest with you."

"And what is that?" Hinata asked; she was thumbing a broken tomato leaf.

"I, um...I think..."

_ Love can be platonic or romantic...but you're not broken. Remember that. _

Slowly, Shino felt his heart unfurl iridescent wings.

"Hinata Hyuga, I have felt something that I cannot quite place, but it simply isn't friendship anymore," He said, "And I know I am different than you--I express love differently, anyways--but everytime I'm with you lately I feel safe and whole and want to do everything I can to see you happy and safe. It might be love, but I'm not sure what type, really. It's hard and confusing and I am so sorry to be bothering you this way--"

Hinata slowly took his hand, "Shino, we can be whatever you feel comfortable with. You may be different, but you still are the person who I cherish and care about with all I know."

Her quiet, strong words struck cords in Shino that he never knew existed: he wanted to weep, sing, and shout from the top of a mountain, he was so overwhelmed with... _ something. _ It was something new, something evolved and expressive and everything Shino never knew he wanted.

"We can just, well,  _ be _ together. It doesn't matter how."

And, just as slowly, Shino wrapped his fingers around her hand in return. Because it didn't matter: however many words he could express it, Shino cared deeply about her and knew this with all his soul; whatever they would be didn't even matter. They had together come to terms that they saw something beautiful and important in each other and their bond and that was all that was of any concern. Labels didn't have to mean anything. 

They could just be themselves, together.

"As long as you're okay with this, I'm happy." Hinata repeated.

She looked up at Shino and he could tell that those moonbeam irises had been watching over him this whole time, waiting for whenever he needed her help. And she had helped him, so much so that she may never know how important she had been in Shino's still-continuing journey to understand himself. Hinata Hyuga was the light that his insect-loving heart wanted to share the time with--however that may be was not a concern.

"Hinata, I care about you, more than I had ever really let myself know."

"Shi; it's alright. I care about you too. And...that's all that matters, now."

*************

The truck door slammed shut, Shino in the passenger seat of his cousin's truck. They'd be circling back late-afternoon to pick up Kiba and Hinata for a weekend at the Aburame household, but first, Torune and him needed to get groceries for the evening. The rush in downtown Konoha was nothing different than a typical Friday; car-packed streets, bustlign shoppers, and sidewalks teaming with marketstands. The noise and clamor made Shino feel on edge, his fingers grabbing for the zipper of his coat and fiddling profusely. 

"Hey, you're good, Shi," Touren said, "We'll be in and out quick. We just need some basics, is what your father said." 

Shino nodded and paced around the fruit stands, the unusually warmer day inviting sellers to set up limited produce out in the brisk breeze. Shino peeled his eyes over a pile of oranges and apples, his glasses steaming with the contrast between his breath and the colder air. Looking at his copy of the list, he picked out a few fruits, thanked the seller, and followed Torune through the meat stands.

"Are you excited for your friends to come over?" Touren asked, "I'm glad to meet this Hinata Hyuga you've told us about; she seems neat."

"You'll meet her soon enough." Shino said pleasantly.

"You're going to ask her for that formal of yours, right??"

"Not at all; we'll be spending time together on our own in Dr. Nai's lab. She's asked us to be her lab assistants."

Torune picked up his purchase and chuckled, "Nerds."

"Says the person who sent his text tone to a cricket mating call everytime one of his dating sites goes off."

"...touche."

Once they were down, the pair set off for home, Shino rolling the window down. A few dragonflies zipped by, while a ladybug latched itself to the windshield during an intersection stop, its sunset-orange wing cases flickering against the wind. Shino stared at it, hand over his mouth inquisitively. The wings--those waxy, clementine cases--were elyktria that had cornified over time with evolution to protect the beetle. It was a system of defense that protected it from hard, among other methods such as aggressive bites and a mildly toxic taste. They were fascinating, truly fascinating.

But Shino was focused on something else: next to this orange beetle landed a yellow one, so pale in comparison that they could have eclipsed each other. Any scientist could tell they were companions, the way they drew so close to each other against the truck's front windowpane, but Shino saw more than two beetles. He saw himself, all colored orange with spirit and resolution. It was a sign, no doubt, that he had done what few scientists could.

He had accepted an answer that was simply different from the rest. And, that was alright with him. People may disagree, disbelief, or try to disprove, but Shino was confident in his revelation. And if it ever changed, then that was okay too. The yellow and orange ladybugs moved closer, their antenne touching; Shino smiled.

How sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you folks for giving this story a bit of attention; I'd appreciate it if you took the time to read my Author's Note. If not, no worries.
> 
> As always, comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!


	9. An Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation as to why this story was written, as well as a deterrent for those who leave negative comments without constructive criticism.

_ Look, I don't typically do afternotes this large, however, it is important that I attach a follow-up. I am not one to waste words, but I feel there are things from my story that need to be addressed. This story was hard to write and I'm sure it may have been hard to read for others, as well. And I don't explicitly address present-day issues as much as I did in this particular story. _

_ But, there are reasons we write; there are countless reasons why we take our fingers to the keyboard or our words to paper. And one of those is to work through our own, real-life struggles. _

_ I wanted to give representation to a group of the queer community that, from doing my own observations, does not see a lot of themselves in the fandom and fanfiction community. So, I wanted to do what I could. Shino's experiences are reflective of my own (and more) and I chose to be vulnerable in this like I haven't before with my content. That being said, I do not want to see any needlessly negative reactions to this fic. _

_ When I say "needlessly negative", I am referring to the type of comments, opinions, and ridicule that is designed solely to bash and degrade the experience the characters in my story went through. If you see an issue and can give me constructive criticism as to how to improve it, I am more than happy to give it my time. But I do not accept bashing. It is hurtful for those who are experiencing similar issues that my story addresses and does no one any good.  _

_ Basically, if this story's themes--addressing platonic love, asexuality, coming-out--anger you in a way that you feel I shouldn't be writing about these topics, then this story was not written for you. Please do not trash the struggle I and countless other people have gone through. _

_ I typically do not leave such upfront verbatims, but I felt it necessary because I also know there are people who will enjoy the story for what it is and how I address a handful of topics. Remember, I am merely a fanfic writer, doing this in my spare time while working on an Earth Science degree--I have no reference except my friends and loved ones' personal accounts and my own. This isn't a perfect piece of representation for the ace community, and I'm sorry I couldn't do that. _

_ In contrast, I know certain aspects of this story are almost too perfect: Shino's friends and family being mostly accepting, Hinata and Shino being completely comfortable with their unlabelled relationship, even Kankuro's words (and so many others') of encouragement as too optimistic to believe. That may be true, but I wanted to write a comforting story. And that's what happened here. It isn't realistic for everyone, unfortunately, but for myself I wanted to see something uplifting. _

_ Coming out--to yourself, to others, to the world--is a daunting experience and I did not want to treat it lightly. If, while reading this, you felt you needed to vent or have someone be a good listener for you, you are more than welcome to reach out. It's always easier to hash out your own struggles with someone who is just going to listen to you. My Tumblr is in my Ao3 bio; reach out only if you feel comfortable and I'll listen because I know how valuable it is to have someone whom you can just dump your thoughts on with no judgment. This, though, is by no means a directive. _

_ I have more content like this that I'm working on, so if this story gave you peace or made you feel like you belong in the fandom community even more (because you do), than I promise to try my best and deliver once more. Thank you for giving this your time and please stay healthy. _

_ ~G-P _


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